The Not-So-Newlywed Game


– We just celebrated
our seventh wedding anniversary,
so we thought we would see
how well we know each other
and play the
“Not So Newlywed Game.”
[upbeat music]
All right, but first let’s meet
our competition.
Please welcome the hilarious
Melissa McCarthy
and Ben Falcone.
[upbeat music]
[cheers and applause]
– This is happening.
– So…
– What if we don’t get
any correct?
– We might not.
– Yeah.
– She’s already nervous
about it.
She said, “I don’t know
how we’re–“
’cause we filled all this out
separately backstage.
How long have you two
been together?
– It’ll be ten years this year.
– Yeah.
– Married or together?
both: Married ten.
– Together, what? Like 17?
– Yeah.
– Oh, so you all have
a little bit of time on us.
So you should really
know each other?
– Highly confident.
– All right. I can’t wait.
So, we’ll see.
tWitch, come on out here.
tWitch is gonna host
this thing for us.
[upbeat music]
[laughter]
– Oh, my God.
– Oh, my God.
– Look at the gold–
– Oh, my God.
– Yeah.
– Oh, my God.
– Wow.
– Yeah.
– I’m kind of all for it.
– Yeah.
– I’m all for it.
– It’s a good look.
– I don’t know if you
should change back.
That’s a good look.
– It’s a good look.
– That’s good.
– It’s good. Okay.
Well, earlier we asked you
a series of questions
to see how well
you know each other.
– You’re so serious.
– So now we’re gonna see
how well you know
each other.
– Uh-huh.
– Okay, so for every–
you get a point for every time
your answers match.
Y’all ready to play?
– We are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
– Excellent, excellent,
excellent.
Okay.
– Okay.
Melissa…
– Okay.
– If Ben could describe you
in one word,
what would it be?
– I said chatty.
– Okay.
– I said lovely and amazing,
but it was cute.
all: Aww.
[buzzer buzzing]
– And then that gets a…
[imitates buzzer]
[laughter]
All right, all right.
– Okay, okay.
– We’ll get it back.
We’ll get it back.
– No problem.
– Ben, what word would Melissa
use to describe you?
– What did I say?
Good enough.
[laughter]
– Kind.
– I said kind.
[buzzer buzzing]
all: Aww.
– And still…
[imitates buzzer]
[laughter]
I love “kind” gets a…
[imitates buzzer]
No, get out.
– They just pull you out.
Yeah, just…
– I think I’ll put a harness.
– They wheel him back.
– Okay, okay,
you still in the game.
You still in the game.
Okay, Portia…
– Yeah.
– Name a celebrity
other than you
that Ellen has a crush on.
– Easy.
– Oh, I knew
you were gonna say that.
Well, but I was just joking
about this the other day.
– Uh-oh, uh-oh.
– Oh.
Aww, man.
[buzzer buzzing]
– I was gonna say be careful.
– Things change.
– You know a lot of celebrities.
– They change.
Ellen, what celebrity
does Portia have a crush on?
– Oh, this is very easy.
– It’s so easy. You better–
Yes!
– Yes.
– Yes. Is that–did I–
– Yes, they match.
– Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
Yeah.
– Yes!
[bell dings]
– Yes. We’ll go.
– We’re doing good.
– Okay.
– Okay.
– He kinds looks like
a girl, too.
– Okay.
[laughter]
– Well, and I sa–and I have
agreed–anyway, go on.
– All right, then. Ready?
– Okay.
– Ben,
what other celebrity
does Melissa think
you have a crush on?
– Uh, it’s creepy
and it’s no longer true,
but I think she’s gonna say
Jennifer Aniston.
– Oh. I did and then
I switched it.
Ah! So I’m what–who?
What–
Oh, I said creepy.
– Oh, that’s what you–
I was, like, that–
– Creepy and it’s no longer–
– Tom Hanks?
Okay.
– Who doesn’t love Tom Hanks?
That’s true.
– I do have a crush on him.
That’s actually really true.
– Oh, yeah.
– Creepy.
– I think your true crush
is Tom Hanks.
– Yeah, actually I do have
a crush on Tom Hanks.
– Okay, Ellen…
– Yes?
– What candy would Portia choose
to describe your love life?
Starburst,
Good ‘N Plenty,
Hot Tamales, Mounds,
or Oh Henry?
[laughter]
– They would all apply,
but–
– Well, yeah.
– But I’m gonna say Hot Tamale.
– Damn it.
– Uh-oh, what’d you say?
– Oh Henry, Oh Henry.
[buzzer buzzing]
– I don’t even know
what that means.
– I didn’t either, but I just
thought it was the funniest one,
and you always go for
the joke.
– Not when I’m competitive,
I don’t.
– I see.
– All right.
– Okay, Melissa,
fill in the blank.
Before I was married,
I used to blank,
but now, I blank.
– I said,
“Only really hit on gay men,
now I married
the right one.”
[laughter]
It’s true.
Really true.
What did you say?
– I said, “She used to go
to dinner late at night,
now she goes to dinner
at 4:00 p.m.”
[buzzer buzzing]
– Also true, also true.
– Also true.
– That could apply to me.
– Yeah.
– I like to eat early.
– Okay, Ellen…
– Yeah?
– Where did you share
your first kiss?
– Well, this is very easy.
– Mm.
In the back of a limo.
[bell dings]
– Aww.
– Very nice. Very nice.
– That’s nice.
– Have we gotten any right?
– I don’t think
we’ve gotten any right.
– Okay.
– That’s okay.
– No, you’ve got zero.
– Well, you’ve got zero,
but y’all, you look lovely.
– 17 years, guys.
– Yes.
That is the end of the game.
You look lovely, no points,
but you’re a beautiful couple.
Beautiful couple.
– Is that the end of the game?
Aww, that’s sad. All right.
– Yes, that’s it.
– Yep.
– Well played, well played.
– We did it. Wonderful.
– That’s it.

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