Top 10 Things Not To Wear While Cycling

Top 10 Things Not To Wear While Cycling


Ah, seems like it was yesterday. They were
good days, they were! Regardless of the season, or wherever you
may be riding, there are a few rules we feel you should follow to ensure you maintain sartorial
integrity whilst riding your bike. The list, although non-exhaustive, is simply what to
avoid at all costs. Top 10 things not to wear on a bike. No socks The correct sock height, length or colour
are subjects perpetually debated in the world of cycling. However, in order to even have
the debate, you have to have socks in the first place. Newbies might be tempted to go
sockless to save embarrassing tan lines, but you need to get over this. Tan lines are like
a tattoo to confirm your membership into the cycling world. Ride without socks, and you’ll
remain part of the amateur gang as well as risking some nasty ankle and toe chafing. I tell you what Matt, this is chafing a little
bit. You got any plasters? I think I might have some back in the car,
Si. Full face Helmet Riding with a helmet is compulsory in our
book, it goes without saying. But, riding out on the road with a full face helmet, unless
you’re planning an off road descent, or pumping round the local BMX track, just doesn’t
cut it. It looks distinctly dodgy for one, your head will cook for two and finally we
think periphery vision is an absolute must. It also inhibits the intake of fluids and
banter with your training partner too. [Muffled conversation] Compression socks Quite the opposite of no socks are compression
socks. On, or even off the bike, they will make you look so strange that the stress of
your self-consciousness will negate any performance benefit. Actually, we take that back – if
you’re wearing them, you probably don’t have any self consciousness anyway. Superheroes. Time out on the bike is precious, especially
if you’re training around a job or your studies. So the last thing you want to happen
whilst out on your favourite loop is to have to save the world from impending catastrophe
and doom at the clutches of an evil genius mastermind. A tip then, fly under the ‘superhero responsibilities
radar’ by not dressing as one. Simon my friend, I will fight crime until
the end of it’s days! National Championship Jersey Although fertile ground for debate, we feel
there is only one situation where you are allowed to wear a World or National champion’s
jersey. And that situation is if you are the current World or National champion. Yes! Oh what a day it was! Oh jesus, Matt. It was 16 years ago, take
it off! I have to get electrical tape. Absolutely
ridiculous. You can, if you’ve been a national champion,
continue to wear the stripes on your arms. Can someone give me a hand? Bib shorts only – no jersey. Since he started working out, our very own
Simon Richardson is probably the only person who could get away with what is normally considered
as a cycling fashion faux pas. Cyclist’s traditionally weedy, pasty-skinned
upper bodies are things best left under wraps and filed under ‘specialist websites only.’ I tell you what, you are looking quite buff. Thanks mate. Pretty ripped at the moment. How often do you work out, anyway? I reckon probably about once a decade. I did it once. Suits. Tally ho! Rather than look like an accountant with a
driving ban, keep it practical and avoid commuting in your suit. You’re looking well, anyway. Yes, I got the all clear last Friday and now
I’m enjoying life! Checking your portfolio on the move is also
a definite no-no. We’re unsure if brogues come with cleats too. This just isn’t working. Fancy a spurt instead? Rockstars Here at GCN we have actively encouraged you
to sing on a bike as a way of motivating yourself, which is fine. But, we implore you not to ‘method sing’
via total immersion into the persona of your favourite rock star whilst out riding. People try to put us down / talking ’bout
my generation / Just because we get around… The image of The Who’s Roger Daltrey on stage
rocking double denim is an iconic one that should not be tainted by trying to replicate
it on a bike. …my generation baby…my generation! My
generation baby… The Onesie Whilst reluctantly conceding they are indeed
*coughs* a global fashion phenomenon, these monstrosities should perhaps firmly remain
the preserve of teenagers, students and the sartorially misguided. Unless of course it’s
one that makes you look like your favourite wild animal out in it’s natural habitat, as
we’re rather fond of doing here at GCN. What have you come as Matt? I’ve come as a monkey. Always been fond of
monkeys since I was a child. Speedos Not only do Speedos offer very little protection
for your manly or womanly bits, but they also look…wrong. Yes, it’ll prevent you getting
farmer’s tan lines, but no, that’s not a valid excuse. If you want to do group rides
without everybody trying to drop you, steer well clear of Speedos – leave them for triathletes.
You are far less likely to end up being arrested for indecency or severely reducing
your ability to start a family. Plus no-one wants to ride behind someone with a severe
case of the munchies. I thought I was going to **** my lyrics up,
but I did it alright. National champion you know! What awful wind! We’ll be making bloody feature films soon! Got off on an appeal last night. That was a weird accent, wasn’t it?

100 Comments on “Top 10 Things Not To Wear While Cycling”

  1. Now your comments about compression socks could be a justification for them for safety reasons (especially while cycling alone) ,. You stick out especially if the socks are neon. Riding in small town America where u might not see cyclist can be risky and a recent study in the states said that socks that stand out are much more apt to grap a driver's attention than even a torso covered in neon. I'm about to get a bike and I don't want to get run over so ….

  2. I just love it when people come on and try to tell us what to do.. I bicycle indoors barefoot.. LOL.. Unless you own the clothing company, well. 🙂

  3. You look silly with all your helmets… ^_^

    OK it's good protection but you roadies wear them now because it's became mandatory after some sad accident on "Le tour de France" or else.
    You do like the pro…

    Watch some video from Netherland and you will see almost nobody with bicycle gears or helmets (except the rare roadies)

  4. Love cycling videos just what I need to get it going the blood I love it. I always watch these before I go out and get my body moving. I always watch one of these, and then put up my heavy playlist like Delta Parole, Three Days Grace, System and then I just go haaaaard!!!! Tactic hasnt let me down yet.

  5. Apparently no nettles grow by the bike lanes in Britain. I tell you what, they make you ride a whole lot faster.

  6. The naturist society will sponser a nude bike ride. I plan to participate, but I will wear shoes, socks and a helmet.

  7. If you've grown tired of that one guy on your club rides that seems drawn to you to prove what a know-it-all he is during the first half of the ride, only to sit on you back wheel for the last half of the ride, I would suggest not wearing any deodorant.

  8. How did you forget flip flops? When that rubber under the toe contacts the road it drags your big toe along the asphalt leaving a nasty scab that gets just under your toenail and it hurts like hell…I was a kid and it was the 60's. Only did it once though and that was on a gravel road, my parents should have known better. I bet at least one of you will try it now.

  9. Agree with all of them except the super hero one. I personally find that most cyclists support me wearing my Hello Kitty jersey, and socks, especially if I have my Hello Kitty water bottle. I'm a 62 year old man so I don't really care, I'm on my bike.

  10. This just seems like a jerk move on people need as fashion or just to obvious to even mention. Honestly you guys suck a d your channels crap.

  11. Guys, on the recommendation of CGN I've bought a jacket at Santini. I only can say: Careful ladies, Santini doesn't know that women have breasts! I bought that cycling jacket at Santini and it's completely flat! Even if the rest fits, you better have no breast. I'm very disappointed and further more they presented a bright red on the internet and the jacket that came is "dark" red. What shitty designers, probably all men who only think about themselves. That was my first and last order at Santini.

  12. Any sock that goes to your calf is as gay as it gets! For God's sake it makes you look like an 80 year old meat head.

  13. "Cyclists' traditionally weedy, pasty-skinned upper bodies are things best left under wraps, and filed under specialist websites only"
    🙂

  14. What a joke! Why oh why do ppl try to push what's acceptable for them onto others??? Ride how you like to, wearing what makes you happy!!!

  15. Meanwhile, in Austin TX has Word Naked Bike Ride day in Mid June of every year which sends the Republican, Religious and Conservative to the moon, and after being upset and sending naked participants to hell, they line up the street to watch beautiful naked bodies – Tits and ass, cocks and balls just freewheeling and biking in a route around the City. They watch it with open mouth. It's Texas but also, it's only in Austin.

  16. keep things in perspective. the rest of the 99.99999% of the world, looks at cyclists in skin tight spandex with an equally restrictive ego and feel the only place they belong is under their car tires. do whatever you feel is right for you and stop looking down on others for doing the same.

  17. If you cannot BE the worlds best rider then it is important to LOOK so impressive that no one notices. Now your helmet has the red highlight to match the bike. a good start. But your shoes should match the highlights of the bike and the socks match the primary colour. Having the jersey also match the primary colour earns many points. But if it also contains highlights that match the highlights of the bike then your entire ensemble starts to look as if it belongs together as part of a team. You and your bike against the world.

  18. Did my fastest time on my old circuit in this type of swimming trunk.

    One one of the circuits, I called in to the headmaster's house – but put a shirt on before ringing the doorbell. His missus, in swimwear also, also covered up !

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